November 30, 2005
BWAAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Deep-sixed under: White Trash Wednesdays — SADIE LOU @ 11:05 am

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Missing Your Shoes?
Deep-sixed under: Cotillion Ball — sadie @ 7:15 am

Aye, you’ll be needing a pair that is both semi-functional and completely stylish. This week’s Cotillion Ball was hosted by Darlene’s Place, and I missed the main gala, but surely there are some mini-sandwiches and jolt cola remaining for those who stumble in a little late. I do adore this posting title: Girls want to have fun, Women do. Interpret that as you will, but one must admit that it’s a curious(er) premise.

Yeah, I should host a houseparty soon, as I haven’t done so since late September. Feeling rather guilty about that one….
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November 29, 2005
Laryngitis
Deep-sixed under: It Can Always Get Worse, Pop Culture Pickings — sadie @ 8:05 am

Conveniently, when I’m just damn tired of hearing my own voice, it disappears. As such, the typing will slow to a halt as well. In lieu of any ounce of charm or wit, I proffer only the following eye candy:
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Screw Nobility
Deep-sixed under: Ninth Circle, Design Notes — sadie @ 4:19 am

“I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of [insert convenient number] little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.” – Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

So there’s these awards – The Weblog Awards 2005 – you may have heard of them. Big news and all that, and a highly subjective category exists for Best Blog Design. Somehow, a handful of the nominations made were created by Apothegm Designs, which you may have also heard mentioned a time or two. Phin and I are honoured of course, but we do realize the high letdown potential involved with any awards ceremonies. Finalists will be announced in the coming days, and out of a zillion, it would be nice to see Apothegm in the queue. If not, we shall indeed survive. What follows is a breakdown of our nominated works:
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November 28, 2005
Dear Stupid Law School Graduate
Deep-sixed under: Quasi-Intellectual Utter Crap — sadie @ 5:46 pm

Greetings, Idiot Graduate of the Prestigious Institution of Law:

Only twelve weeks until the most important exam of your lifetime!!! Congratulations and welcome to the first weekly e-dissertation to the privileged students enrolled in our crappy bar review program. These emails will keep you right on schedule and help you in your ultimate goal of becoming a lawyer, so you can screw other people over on a daily basis.

Tip for Week One: Read and Follow Your Syllabus!!!!

*delete*
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Madonna Whore Complex, Indeed.
Deep-sixed under: Quasi-Intellectual Utter Crap, Tom Cruise — sadie @ 6:42 am

My favourite commie is hosting a Christmas Stamp photoshopping extravaganza, and I just couldn’t resist: (more…)
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All I Need To Know I Learned From Delivering Pizza
Deep-sixed under: Allegories & Alcohol — sadie @ 4:55 am

The existence of pizza delivery establishments are proof that evil exists.

A few weeks back, when I still remembered how to transcribe a trackback URL, Velociman discussed the surprisingly influential experience as a pizza delivery boy. Oh gawd, did that bring back memories, and they weren’t the most charming ones, if I do recall correctly.

During my first two years as an undergraduate, I was a pizza delivery girl for a local operation that has since gone out of business. Their pizza was actually pretty damn tasty, but the fact that their accounting procedures were beyond remedial, which provided each store’s manager a very easy way to pocket some cash. At least that’s what I assume happened, since the paychecks started bouncing, the managers started “cashing” them through the nightly drawers, and well, that’s when I found a new means of making four bucks an hour plus tips.

Yet I digress, for I witnessed some truly hellish things, though I must give the delivery guys a lot of credit for attempting to shelter me somewhat. If an order came in from one of the several apartment complexes with dangerous reputations, they took those delivery runs. Unfortunately, perverts persist throughout all socioeconomic classes, so yes, I saw more “accidental” nakedness than one would care to admit. What kind of man really answers the door to pizza delivery whilst wearing a thin towel and nothing else? Not to mention the couples just happening to engage in oral sex while the greasy guy answering the door slurs, “How YOU doin, baby…wanna come in and…have a piece?”

Occasionally, one arrives on a doorstep to be greeted by a couple of very excited children, who act as if Santa Claus has arrived. That’s always kinda cool, until the drunken mother steps into the doorway and tosses an obviously hot check in your direction. Then recognizing the hesitation, she hands some bills your way, and pity overrides the entire situation. As luck would have it, on the way back to the car, all smugness disappears when the protective keychain-sized can of pepper spray accidentally discharges in a very inconvenient direction. Crikey.

Like Velociman, I learned that people call for delivery via a myriad of disfunctional motivations. These days, when I call for pizza, I try not to meet glances with the delivery person, lest I learn what they just saw down the road.
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Yeah Right And Monkeys Are Gonna Fly Outta My Butt
Deep-sixed under: Ninth Circle — sadie @ 2:52 am

You Are a Blogging Expert

You got 7/8 correct!

You know so much about blogging, you should blog for a living.
How Much Do You Know About Blogging?
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November 27, 2005
Wax Off
Deep-sixed under: Pop Culture Pickings — sadie @ 5:49 pm

You people should be ashamed of yourselves. All weekend, I fall into a fever-induced stupor, and no one told me that Mister Miyagi died on Thanksgiving Day.

Y’all are a bunch of unsentimental bastards.
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Gratuitous LLama Rerun
Deep-sixed under: Just For Kicks — sadie @ 6:24 am

I don’t recall what the LLamas did to inspire Kathy, Gordon, and myself to launch a tristate simultaneous attack this past June, but those were good times, at any rate. Ah yes, ’twas their uncouth yearbook posting that drove us to such madness. Pffffft.

Since I totally dropped the ball in making a proper humiliating tribute for the Three Year Anniversary of the LLamabutchers, this post is getting a rerun. Actually, I just really wanted to post it again. Heh.

Originally titled “I’ll Take My Revenge On Ice, Please….and could you make that stirred, not shaken?”

I shall bid thee adieu after tending to this unfinished business….as expected, boys:
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Suddenly Back In Retail Sales Mode
Deep-sixed under: Naughty but Nice, Design Notes — sadie @ 5:02 am

That’s how it certainly looks around here, considering the Christmas decor complete with Santarina. Would you like some snowflakes and such added to your website or blog? Phin and I will soon be offering some holiday specials at Apothegm Designs, complete with post-holiday cleanup of the appropriate wrapping paper.

Phin will absolutely kill me for posting this, but he’s currently mulling over the possibilities of giving the goldfish bowl a Santa’s Workshop look without appearing to be a raging homo. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a homosexual, but once the “raging” attribute gets tossed into the bouillabaisse, an ominous quality begins to pervade. Bygones.

Miss Silk also has a spiffed-up look at her sassy place, and she did a mahvelous job. Very sleek and so chic!
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November 26, 2005
Totally Awesome
Deep-sixed under: Ninth Circle — sadie @ 12:26 am

In addition to being The Mind Fuhrer, I have been dubbed a “link scrooge.” That’s pretty damn cool, and I actually consider it a compliment.

I’d link the referencing blog, but I’m a link scrooge, and I do have a reputation to uphold.
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November 25, 2005
Random IM Conversation With Steve H. #4
Deep-sixed under: Allegories & Alcohol, Random IMs — sadie @ 11:47 pm

Sadie: Gurgle.
Sadie: I’m in PAIN.
Steve H: hi i’m writing an email to my agent, telling him i think we should keep the more racist parts in my book
Sadie: Oi. that’s the spirit
Steve H: what’s funnier. a man being forcibly quarantined after a bite from a diseased emu, or a widow who wants to patent a home circumcision kit that uses propane?
Sadie: um….the second one. because it would never happen.
Steve H: i don’t think my agent understands how much material i have, or how many nigerians i have driven to the verge of suicide
Sadie: how would you ever know if they hopped off a cliff?
Steve H: he’s suggesting i go with the emu thing for my sample chapter. but then i can’t do the one where i told the guy i was attacked by prairie dogs
Sadie: heh. such trials and tribulations
Steve H: i think the all-time best one was where i said i had tourette’s, but it was short
Sadie: did you start cursing?
Steve H: yeah i said i had tourette’s, only it was for typing
Sadie: and?
Steve H: he claimed he was british so i interrupted the email with LIMEY! FORESKIN! TEATS! and then went on as if nothing had happened
Sadie: um. that’s normal when having an IM conversation with strangers
Sadie: bugger. that’s a good one for the brits.
Steve H: i never looked at it that way
Sadie: bugger off.
Steve H: people don’t use “teats” often enough
Sadie: fook
Sadie: uh…blood pudding!!!
Steve H: william butler teats
Sadie: hah
Steve H: i’m not sure if it means the nipple or the whole bag or what
Sadie: i think it’s the latter.
Sadie: no the former.
Steve H: my heart is beating…it keeps reteating…for you constantly….
Sadie: uh
Steve H: sorry i was free associating. obscure jazz reference
Sadie: just watch bridget jones and then you’ll have the brit tourette syndrome
Sadie: wanker
Steve H:is that the fat girl with the small panties
Sadie: yeah
Sadie: not fat fat. just not stick-figure
Steve H: she was a cow. i like ‘em like calista flockheart. on life support. that’s sexy
Sadie: heh. um….but don’t you LIKE food?
Steve H: i get highly aroused listening to the carpenters
Sadie: ew
Steve H: just because i’m a lardass doesn’t mean i put up with women who eat
Sadie: i love how guys have their “standards,” yet don’t keep themselves in shape
Steve H: don’t curse the darkness. light a candle. and hand me a twinkie
Sadie: it’s so true
Sadie: ding dong. those are better.
Steve H: no straight guy says “hand me a ding dong”
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Insert Gratuitous Whining
Deep-sixed under: It’s A Hard Knock Life — sadie @ 9:40 am

Sadie is sick. Baaaaad head cold and muscle aches. So sick that she is hitting her head against the desk in a vain effort at distraction. She would like more DayQuil, diet 7-up, tomato soup, and any other useful things one can offer. On the plus side, she hasn’t had the urge to smoke in two entire days. That is all.
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November 24, 2005
Short And Sweet
Deep-sixed under: Allegories & Alcohol — sadie @ 1:16 pm

And apparently, he’s got velocity. Best. Thanksgiving. Post. Ever.
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Vegetarian Thanks
Deep-sixed under: An Uncategorized Mess — sadie @ 4:32 am

On the menu today is an excessive amount of pumpkin pie with whipped topping. Perhaps some green bean & cheddar cheese casserole might work as well, but let’s face it, you turkey-loving folks don’t wanna hear about my fabulous vegetarian bod, right? I didn’t think so.

I am thankful for my benevolent, intelligent, and gorgeous little girl, who actually gives meaning to my existence, along with a certain Irish fellow.

I am thankful for my friends, both “real” and “online,” who listen to me complain as I do in return, and with whom the exchange of happier sentiments occur as well. In particular, Phin and Chrissy rock dat house.

I am thankful for what lucidity and knowledge that I’ve managed to grasp, and I regret attaining the awareness that informs me of what knowledge I lack.

I am thankful for simple pleasures and the luxury of choosing said nominal indulgences.

I am thankful for the healthful status of my loved ones. Nuff said.

I am thankful for truth, justice, the American way, and all those other cliches espoused by Marvel and D.C Comics. Except for those damn bat nipples.

I am thankful for the horrible moments in life, for without those, one could never recognize the truly spectacular.
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November 23, 2005
NZ Blocks The OTB
Deep-sixed under: Ninth Circle — sadie @ 1:44 pm

It sounds like a great rap song in the making, no?

After years of relying on the websites of CNN and FoxNews, they are no longer where I search for the latest news. Instead, I get the lowdown from Riehl World View for many reasons, not the least of which is the actual friendship that Dan provides to a “small blogger” such as myself. He certainly hasn’t let his success lead to an overinflated ego, and he even retains his slightly twisted sense of humour, which is what I appreciate most of all.

This morning was no exception to the surfing routine, which led to the discovery that NZ Bear is now placing the paw down in regards to “Open Trackback Parties.” After surfing this issue for several minutes, which is quite telling, since some of these blogs are brand new to me, yet highly linked, a common sentiment seems to pervade:

We do humbly remind him that bloggers have made TTLB a success and implore him to reconsider this unjust decision.

Come now…with all the thankless work that NZ Bear has put in over the last several years, do we really think he wakes up each morning to check whether more bloggers have enrolled in the Ecosystem? Somehow, I highly doubt it. Symbiosis doesn’t persist throughout the blogosphere, since ad revenue doesn’t pay the bills except for the most highly-trafficked blogs. And like Dan, while I have friends on both sides of the OTB debate, it’s nice to see that I wasn’t just blowing sunshine up my own arse by not seeing the value in those empty linkfests.

This isn’t a civil rights debate, and I don’t understand the claims of repression. And now for the finale, watch how my TTLB status will decline sharply, as I’m sure to get massively delinked in the coming days. Go ahead. Make my farookin’ day.
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Time For A Vatican Smackdown
Deep-sixed under: Quasi-Intellectual Utter Crap — sadie @ 4:50 am

What on heavenly earth is amiss at the uppermost crust of the Catholic church these days?

Over the summer, mutterings from the Vatican hinted that perhaps the church would drop the teleological view of God and officially enter into the evolution debate. Then in recent weeks, Pope Benedict XVI actually uttered an affirmation of an “intelligent project” at work during the creation of the universe. Now a disaffirming view enters left stage from the Vatican’s chief astronomer, effectively nullifying the prior statements, for all practical purposes.

Now the Pope is mixing it up in the fashion world. Primarily, it creeps me out that not only does the devil wear a certain designer brand, but it seems that the Pope wears Prada in the form of red loafers. In addition, the media seems to delight in mentioning the Gucci shades spotted in the “Popemobile.” So much for those all-important vows of poverty.

Meanwhile, back in Vaticanland, some foreshadowing has outlined the upcoming November 29th official statement, which shall declare that incoming priests be clean for three years from homosexual tendencies. Certainly, they could be a bit more politically correct and declare heterosexual tendencies as forbidden as well. Premarital and extramarital sex remain completely forbidden, after all, no? So much for those all-important vows of celibacy.
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Catechism of Blogging?
Deep-sixed under: Ninth Circle — sadie @ 3:01 am

The Great Nexus blog alleges that there are Seven Deadly Blogging Sins, and I’m not quite clear on the punishment for said sins, but I suspect it has to do with a sentence of metablogging:

1. Using Blog Hosting Services.
2. Ignoring Basic Design and Accessibility Rules
3. Lacking a Topical Focus
4. Infrequent Posting
5. Writing Poorly
6. Spamming via Trackback and Theft of Content
7. Failing to Establish Personality

While these are highly subjective guidelines, I think most subjectively successful bloggers would agree with these seven alleged sins. My weakness, obviously, is “Lacking Topical Focus,” since this blog often behaves like Kate Moss in a poorly lit recording studio under undercover surveillance. Flighty. Flippant. Freakish.

Sooooooo. Since this “sin” has inherently troubled yours truly for a number of months, I have resolved to find focus. And I shall set a private deadline to work towards, or else slide towards further devolution and perhaps oblivion. Popular culture, metablogging, politics, sex, sex & politics, design crap, social darwinism, white trash, dating, literature, and many other non-related topics coexist in these archives. Something’s got to give, indeed.

Speaking of “indeed,” guess who’s back? Heh.